School of Spaghetti Code

Memorize these or be fired:

• 1. Thinking is not creating. Creating is typing code without thinking. If you are thinking, you are not working.
• 2. There are 3 ways to do it: The right way, the wrong way, and the XGH way (which is the wrong way, but faster).
• 3. The more XGH you use, the more XGH you will need to fix the previous XGH. It is an infinite loop of job security.
• 4. XGH is completely reactive. Errors only exist if someone reports them. If the user doesn't complain, it's a feature.
• 5. There are no limits. Your hardware is the only bottleneck. If it's slow, tell the client to buy a better server.
• 6. Commit early, commit often. Never squash. History is for historians. Your commit messages should be "update", "fix", or ".".
• 7. The deadline is the only god. Quality is a sacrifice we make to appease it.
• 8. Be prepared for the impossible. The client *will* ask for something stupid. You *will* accept it and hardcode the result.
• 9. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary fix. If it works, never touch it again.
• 10. Design patterns are suggestions, like traffic lights or expiry dates.
• 11. Solving the problem > How you solved it. Even if you solved it by deleting the feature.
• 12. Testing is for the weak. If you need to test, it's because you don't trust your own genius. The users are the testers.
• 13. The XGH Developer is a lone wolf. He does not pair-program. He does not document. He leaves no trace except the binary.
• 14. "It works on my machine" is the only certification you need.
• 15. Refactoring is a myth. You will rewrite the whole thing from scratch "one day" (spoiler: you won't).
• 16. Copy and Paste is your best friend. Why write code when a guy in 2013 already wrote it on StackOverflow?
• 17. Data integrity is secondary. Speed is primary. You can always run an UPDATE query directly in production later.
• 18. The XGH Developer is chaotic neutral. He is not evil; he just wants to go home.
• 19. If it compiles, ship it. Runtime errors are a problem for the runtime, not for you.
• 20. Promises are made to be broken. Especially `Promise.all()`.
• 21. Version numbering is random. v1.0, v1.0-final, v1.0-final-real, v2.0-beta-fixed.
• 22. The Horse only moves forward. Never rollback. Just push a hotfix on top of the hotfix.